I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Well I just put wine in my tea
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
