I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
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