Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
