I CAN MOONWALK!
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
