fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
