remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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