i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
