I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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