dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize