I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
