Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
