They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
