i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
