Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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