i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i wish my penis had a tongue
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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