If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
