I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
