Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
