Where did you get a picture of my penis
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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