my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
