What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
