he looks like a really good dad on facebook
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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