if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
