My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
