I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
