I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
