I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
