Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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