if i can run in heels then i can drive
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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