Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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