Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
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