The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
