Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
