so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
