Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
