I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
