the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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