i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize
