So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Randomize
