Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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