Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
