I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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