so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
