Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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