I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
She bit a glass in half.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
