note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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