i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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