So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
