I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
