Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
