You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
