With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
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