There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
my being single is dangerous.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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