FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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