Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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