Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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