she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
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